Dolling again, thinking about trombones and feeling better

Well things are looking back up and I'm feeling alright these days. I've decided to spend what little free time I get these days on art rather than videogames and celebrity gossip site and as a result have started to make little pixel dolls again. This happens to be my most recent one:
Base by: Kawaii Hannah/
It feels really good to be making some art again, makes me feel a lot better.

In addition I've been thinking about how much I miss my trombone these days, to the point where I've asked for one for my birthday (with an electronic mute so I can practise without annoying the whole building). It was something that gave me a lot of pride and even if I'm rusty as hell I'll still feel like a worthwhile person if I can play. I always did in school. I really should never have given it up.

Anyway, that's about it for the update, but I'm feeling like updating this more and more. I have a few major due dates at the end of the month coming up, but soon the semester will be over and I'll my summer to yack on here all I want!

Catch you later

Punkrawk4all's darkside uncovered at 6:09 AM 0 comments

Well that didn't last

Yup, my world collapsed the night I posted that. Depression is such a bitch, so is school and a lot of other things.

Trying to pick the pieces back up, AGAIN.

So. Not. Happy.

Punkrawk4all's darkside uncovered at 10:51 PM 4 comments

March has arrived

Well in this, the month of my 22nd birthday (and 23rd year as an old friends mother would always point out) I should do another update. I did promise to be more diligent in this and I'm really going to try. I like to write and keep a journal, but my motivation is still lacking.

I am pleased to say though that I have more to report this time and a fair bit of it positive.

I've lost 10 pounds! YAY! (Lets not go into how I managed to pack on a ton of extra pounds this year. Ok, I'll spill it was by eating nothing but junk for at least 3 hours every night for a month. DUMB IDEA.) Hopefully I'll be able to continue loosing weight if I get my ass in gear and start doing some more exercise cause I've pretty much got the eating under control.

I've also manged to crack down and start doing a better job on my school work and I'm starting to find my passion for reading again. I went through several months of hardly reading at all (except what I had to do to pass my classes) which is very rare for me. I'm a book lover and I used to mow through books as fast as I could get my hands on them. I'm starting to get back to that. I recently finished reading World War Z which is one of my favourite books now. I'm also re-reading The Watchmen in anticipation of the upcoming movie.

In terms of improving my mood I haven't made a ton of progress but the small amount I have made has been noticeable. A lot of it comes from understanding that I am allowed to be bummed out and that it is acceptable to act on these feelings. I've often felt that even though I was miserable I had to try to continue life as normal, which usually meant making myself feeling worse and inflicting my mood on those around me. Instead I now let myself sit around in my room and avoid people, at least for a short while and have adopted the phrase "I'm not in the mood" to describe why I don't want to participate in various activities. Of course it's important to note that this solution only works in the short term, for the times when I'm just genuinely bummed, but not depressed.

As far as being depressed Feb was an ok month, at least in the later days. There were some dark days but I managed well enough. I even managed to go to Struggle Fest (a yearly gong show of depressed and angry bitching held by the lovely Leah, the joke of Struggle Fest is that your attempts to get to the location will generally be thwarted somewhere along the way. It's sort of a celebration of melancholy and irony.) Admittedly I was in a TERRIBLE mood that day and left early (Dolfo was pleased to flee the karaoke, his least favourite thing ever). I feel bad about going home right after instead of hanging out with Dolfo (I felt like I was breaking his heart) but I had to take care of me. I think I made the right choice... I did feel better when I got home. I don't know if that would have happened at Dolfo's. I felt stressed about his family seeing me etc. I don't know why. That's the mystery of Depression.

Well, to be honest I was going to write about this book Holiday of Darkness which is all about a Psychologist dealing with Depression and various things it's lead me to realize about myself but I'm out of time to write. I was on a break from studying lol.

Back to the books!

Punkrawk4all's darkside uncovered at 8:36 PM 0 comments